— A Geek's Life

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October, 2009 Monthly archive

When I was younger, I secretly believed my mother could fly. To be honest, those heels could delude anyone into believing they could – add a full flowing boubou and you had a superman woman right there, complete with boots and a cape! She certainly was not ultra light – all us kids, and her aversion to wastage in any and every form meant she was always only just under a healthy weight. For all my reading of Essential Biology I should have known that real mothers could not fly; only fairy god mothers could – but the anecdotal evidence seemed to suggest that mine did, for the sheer number of times she caught me pants down – no pun intended.

Once whilst reading my umpteenth Nick Carter adventure – devouring with relish the dexterity with which between Wilhelmina (his German Luger), Hugo (his ultra useful pearl handled stiletto) and Pierre (his gas bomb), he managed to blow just about any and every enemy out of the way – she managed to surprise me at the precise moment the Killmaster was on the verge of surmounting those twin peaks of delight a la 007.  She had suddenly appeared at my side; I was too shell shocked to react  – the only good part was the book fell open to a shoot ‘em up section – otherwise Father Callistus’ keg of holy water might have been invoked or worse the deliverance committee might have been called in.

That night, she proved she hadn’t lost her knack for ghosting into space like a world class striker attacking a corner at the far post  and blind siding the goalkeeper. It certainly didn’t help that I was reading this blog…..and giggling like a teenage girl lost in the throes of delirious laughter occasioned by the tickles of her puppy love….all at 3.00am… The reflections of the screen in my glasses must have alerted her to the fact that this was no ordinary word fest! In amazing presence of mind (or so I thought), I hit the windows key +D key combo, the screen quickly switching to my benign desktop.

She smiled that wry smile of hers that seemed to say boy! you’ve still not learnt, right?

I scanned her face for any obvious signs of displeasure. None. She and I have always had this near telepathic link up; scratch that, she has always read me like a book. I wonder what it is she will say, but Uncle Wole  didn’t teach her in vain… she always gives a master class…

I held her unnerving gaze for all of 18.46981 seconds… She pulled the chair next to me out and still holding my gaze asked… What do you write about? Just that! She just knows I have a blog, and she knows I will not tell the url. But she dares me to examine my motivations..

I ponder…. wonder….. try to remember….. all the things I have written…. a letter to her, numerous rants, of love spurned,  of near death experiences…… no singular answer can encapsulate all the things I have written about… As she stands up to leave, I mutter…

In retrospect, everything…

Apparently a Saudi Arabian woman filed for divorce after her husband stored her name as ‘Guantanamo’ on his cell phone. Wonder what she would do if her name was stored as Oloshi Oloriburuku?

… at the end of the raging  storm.… finally a silver lining appears… one victory.. but it is a crucial change of momentum!

Each morning, my nostrils awake to redolent scents, wafting outward from the Greggs eatery next to my house. Sadly, this particular branch is close enough to allow some of the scents find their way in, but just far enough to befuddle my sense of smell in such a way that I cannot precisely tell which is which.

Some days I can almost bet my sweet life that they are arranging hot piping amala there. At other times, I am positive I have heard inhaled the smell of akara, of moi moi and even party jollof rice! Problem though is there is no way any of these can smell like the above; unless there is a Naija chic surreptitiously boiling her own things on the side..

Clearly, my sense of smell has been compromised by the extreme lack of Nigerian lemms.   Dang I miss my moooommmmmmmmy’s akara!

I am all for defining my people connections upfront (DTRs) …… The thing about them though is that they are tricky……. Too soon, and you run the risk of permanently pulverizing some real bridges before they even get built…….. Too late, and you’re mired in the morass of the ‘just friends’ zone…..

That night we had the inevitable talk and faced the ineluctable moment of truth….. Faced with a choice she said…..

You’re a good guy but….. why does life have to be sooo difficult?

Maybe that DTR was too early…or it was a classic case of DeBee’s Law:

The refusal to define is tacit admittance that there was nothing to define in the first place or a nascent dislike of that which was to be defined.

In retrospect, she was right.. …There were too many yawning chasms that needed crossing!